Studying Levi (LeviHan)
by vaguelyhere
Summary: Hange uses Titan-battling techniques to analyse the way to Levi's heart. Of course,that's not how it works. (Fluff/comedy) (LeviHan)


Studying Levi

Hange is good at examining Titans and she is good at analyzing situations during battle, but when it comes to humans, specifically _Levi_, she finds that she is horribly incompetent.

He's not as simple-minded as a titan is, and sometimes she wishes he is. But then again, that's the appeal of their grumpy corporal.

**First step in analyzing titans: study subject from afar and attain background knowledge.**

This will be a must when titan-hunting. It's impossible to study a titan close up, as that would indisputably result in engaging in battle. First study it's movements, habits, anything that would help when it comes down to fighting it.

So that's what Hange does. She grabs her precious supply of paper, a sharpened pencil, and heads out into the wilderness outside her room.

* * *

"So you're stalking him."

"Erwin – no – how many times did I say it's _scientific_ _study,_" Hange protests.

"Look, Hange, I don't know any more about Levi than you do."

"Well, you're both boys… "

"We don't gossip in my study, Hange," Erwin mutters drily, but seeing Hange's disappointed expression, he tries for a smile. "Why don't you ask Levi himself?"

"I don't engage in direct combat, Erwin. Shouldn't you know that from my lecture about the scientific study of titans?"

"Levi's not a ti-"

"Do you need a refresher?"

Erwin holds his hand up, covering Hange's half-open mouth with his left hand. "I really don't know anything. Why don't you go ask Eren?"

That's what Hange does. Of course Eren would know, but in fact, he doesn't. It seems Levi is much more closed up than she realized. Even to Eren, his little pet project that he had following him around, Levi never shared anything much more than she already knew.

"I'm sorry, Hange," Eren mummers, flustered. "But Levi never really talks to me much."

Hange frowns, scribbles down her notes. All she has now on her notebook are two lines –

\- Short

\- Not gay

Getting underground information doesn't seem to be helping. Never would have Hange imagined that Erwin and Eren both don't know much about Levi at all, except for the fact that he's a cold, short, vulgar piss face with a six pack. "Possibly eight," Hange says, tapping the tip of her pencil on her chin.

"Eight?"

_Holy crap_

It's Levi. Hange hurriedly shuffles her stack of papers and turns.

"You're thinking of getting a two more pairs of glasses, four-eyes?"

* * *

**Precaution: Be cautious and do not get involved in any kind of dispute if there is not enough knowledge obtained.**

Well, crap.

Almost immediately, Hange's heart rate starts accelerating – her grip on her papers tightens and she forces a smile onto her twitching face.

_Crappity crap_

"What are you doing here, shitty glasses? This part of the compound is empty. They're all in the other half of the building."

_Think, Hange, think_.

But Hange can't think. Even with the biggest brain in the whole of survey corps (Erwin included, thank you very much), she can't. Her mind is frozen, and so is her body. Her eyes find an empty spot on the floor and they lock into position, refusing to look up.

_This is worse than before_.

"Oi. Baka." Levi' finger brushes her temple, pushing her head. "Are you dead?"

_Um._

_Um._

And then her mouth flies open. "What are _you_ doing here, then?"

This seems to be a suitable answer.

Levi raises an eyebrow, but his expression remains the same. "I was cleaning out the kitchen. Armin didn't do a good enough job."

_Neat freak_.

"What a coincidence. I was actually going to find Armin." It's a blatant lie, and Hange hopes he doesn't notice her lips twitching, suppressing a hysterical smile.

"He's in his room," Levi says. "I was going to find him too." At this, Levi's nose wrinkles, probably displeased with the lack of effort Armin put into cleaning the kitchen. "Why don't you follow me, since you're lost?"

Hange's smile flattens. "I..wasn't…lost…"

"You seem like you are," Levi states, and he swiftly disappears round the corner. Hange has no choice but to follow.

* * *

Since step one did not work, Hange decides to press on with step two, a more direct approach. Although looking at Levi makes her heart race and Levi looking at her nearly stops it, it's worth the risk. The question is burning inside her – what will it take to impress the expressionless, questionably emotionless Lance Corporal?

**Second step in analyzing titans:** **theory and practice.**

This is a more risky step in titan hunting. Hange remembers the horror stories – a hundred and fifty survey corps members exit the walls for their first encounter with Titans while using new and unused methods – only thirty or so returned.

It could be a flop, but while it has great risks, there is a great chance for success too.

So while everyone huddles at the dining hall for dinner, Hange is crouched over her table, papers and messily scattered on the floor.

It comes back to the most important fact: even if Levi is a piss faced, short and violent man, he is a _man._ And everyone knows men are attracted to women – since she already confirmed that Levi is in fact, _not_ gay.

Theory 1: Hange must act more like a woman. Eg. Acting feminine.

Thery 2: Hange's feminism is not the kind that the Levi piss-face is attracted to.

Theory 3: Levi is, in fact, gay.

* * *

Hange appears in Erwin's study the next day, and Erwin can't seem to figure out why she seems the same, yet so different.

"So?"

"Um." Erwin's hand is covering his face, and he's shaking, shoulders trembling, his voice muffled and hysterical.

"Hange – it's hilarious,"

Hange frowns and hits him on the back, but he continues guffawing nonetheless. "_What's_ hilarious?"

"That flower in your hair! And what's with that pose?"

"This pose?" Hange perches daintily on the edge of his desk, fluttering her eyelashes. Erwin's eyes widen, and then he collapses into another fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"Erwin!" Hange protests, hitting him again. Erwin wipes at the corners of his eyes and sits up.

"And- and – why is your hair so pink?"

"I thought Levi might like it."

"Levi – in pink? Oh my go-" And Erwin hunches over his desk, head pressed onto the edge, laughing and hitting the palm of his hand on the hard wooden surface.

"Erwin, be _serious_," Hange growls, but Erwin looks up and can't seem to stop.

Hange frowns. She thought this might be the solution – even though it's the grossly exaggerated version of what "supremely feminine" might seem like, she thought since Levi was always complaining how she did everything "like a man" that she had to overcompensate.

Finally, when Erwin calms down, he solemnly looks her up and down. "You do seem more like a womanly woman," he says, "but not one that belongs in the survey corps. It's not all sunshine and flowers here, no one has the time to put flowers in their hair and vanities like that."

"That's the problem – maybe that's what Levi likes," Hange explains. Something bitter and desperate drags itself into her stomach.

Erwin shakes his head. "I don't know what Levi likes, but if you want my honest opinion, Hange, you seem much more realistic if you just be yourself."

"_Myself_ isn't going to help," she complains. "Otherwise he'd be – I don't know."

He smiles. "Trust me, we all like you the way you are. Not – the flowers, and oh, the _pose_…"

Erwin starts laughing all over again.

* * *

Hange is not ready to give up just yet. It's a good thing she went to Erwin beforehand, or she would have embarrassed herself in front of everyone. Not that she didn't do that on a regular basis.

If theory one is false, and theory three (although rumored to be true) is repeatedly rejected by both suspected lovers of Levi's – Eren and Erwin – this must mean theory two is correct.

**Third step in analyzing titans: capture and confirm**

This means direct confrontation. Confirming that she is, in fact, not his type. And even if she does, she can't change her personality overnight. It's just not doable. Everything in the statistics say it just isn't possible: Levi and her.

Hange decides to also take a break from all this mess. They caught a titan the other day, took considerable effort to haul it into the area and stake it to the floor. Titans are easier than people like Levi. It's as easy as one, two three, she can cut them up and hurt them and even kill them if she wants to, even if it hurts her.

But she can't cut Levi up. She can't hurt him, and she definitely can't kill him. Even if she does, the hurt will most likely kill her too.

People are so complicated, especially Levi.

Hange sighs as she makes her way to the titans that are lying immobile on the ground. Levi is there, probably Erwin too.

"Hange," Levi notices her first, and nods, eyes cold and unreadable as ever.

"Are these the two?" Hange can't help it, in the presence of titans to experiment on, she's grinning endlessly.

"Do you see any other two titans, shitty glasses? Maybe it's time you actually give them a wipe."

"I couldn't see the titans over your incredible height, "Hange retorts as quickly as a bullet from a gun. For a second, she wonders if all feelings have magically melted away overnight, but her heart starts thumping rapidly again, and she sighs.

Levi eyebrows furrow.

Hange crouches down and smiles up at him innocently.

"Oh, fuck you, four eyes," he dismisses her, lips twitching.

Hange makes eye contact with Erwin and mouths "yeah, fuck me."

Erwin sputters, gasps, tries and fails to hide his onslaught of laughter, but when Levi quizzically turns around Erwin straightens and manages to maintain a straight face.

Hange smiles, and she doesn't know if she's imagining it, but Levi is smiling too.

* * *

**Precaution: do not allow the subject to escape, and perform the experiment as thoroughly as possible.**

It's hardly an experiment – it's just a casual conversation with Levi outside his bedroom.

"So about you."

"What about me?"

"I wanted to know if you are gay."

Levi's jaw drops, his eyes seem to widen in disbelief." No, shitty glasses, I'm _not_. What made you think that?"

"Didn't you know? Everyone thinks you're doing the scandalous frickle frackle with Eren or Commander Handsome…"

Levi chokes. "NO."

Hange nearly laughs. They're talking like they used to, just that her heart is being troublesome again.

"Then," Hange gulps, a wave of relief overwhelming her. "Are you married?"

"Do I _look_ like I'm old enough to get married? You're seriously making me regret not ordering new glasses…"

"Levi, you're older than thirty, going around calling people _kids_. I mean, unless because of your height-"

"Get on with it, Hange," Levi says. He seems to be more interested now, or at least paying more attention than he was before when Hange asked to converse in private.

"No, I just wanted to know if you had anyone your interested in. You know, romantically.."

"Hange," Levi's face draws close, and even then, he still looks impassive as ever. However, his eyes flicker over he face, scrutinizing, as if trying to figure her out. "Do you have a _crush _on me?"

"Nope," Hange says, too quickly. And regrets it. Her logic is no match for her jumping heart, she has no time to calculate the consequences of saying no and the consequences of saying yes. It just flew out of her mouth.

"Then why would you want to know? This kind of thing is personal, you know," Levi says, then smirks. "I mean _you don't know_."

"I was just asking, Levi," Hange rolls her eyes, and in doing so executes the most unconvincing eye roll in the history of Hange.

"Well I'm telling you now that I don't have anyone in mind at this moment," Levi says. Then, his face darkens. "I don't have the time or effort for that kind of thing. You've been through it, you know what it's like. Take Erwin, for example. He treasured his precious arm, and now it's gone, resulting in incurable heartbreak."

"Touché."

"I was kidding," Levi mutters. "Don't tell Erwin. What I mean is, really –"

"Yeah, I know," Hange replies. She can feel tears forming in her eyes. She shouldn't have expected anything to happen. It's too simple – Levi is not a titan. He's unpredictable. And you can't use methods that are used to study titans to study something so immeasurable – love.

"Go get some sleep, shithead. I hate standing in a corridor in the middle of the night – I might get some fucking scary nightmares of you."

"Yeah, love you too," Hange says. She's used to their friendly banter, his vulgar, yet well meaning insults, but this time she tries her hardest not to say those three words, yet she does.

It slips out, into the quiet. Levi mistakes this for her usual greeting, when it's not actually like that at all.

Because she means it.

* * *

**Fourth step in analyzing titans: carry out the procedure, based on proven theory**

Of course, in this case, it means Hange goes on with her life as normal. She trades smiley hellos with the 104 trainees and Moblit, who seems to smile wider than the rest, passes by Erwin's study and has a little chit chat on their next plan for the mission outside the walls, and then gets down to work, reading, the usual.

Levi joins her in between breaks, during lunch and dinner. Conversations are strictly limited to his height and her lack of good hygiene habits, but if anything the words lack meaning, and Hange doesn't sleep easy for quite a long while.

However, Levi catches her unaware one day.

"Hange," he calls, which is strange since he usually addresses her by her nicknames.

"Yeah?"

"About that thing you said the other day…"

Hange freezes and drops her pencil.

**Precaution: Do not underestimate subject until everything is known. If there are unknown variables, be wary.**

"What other day? Be specific."

"Forget your scientific crap, you know what day I'm talking about," Levi says. He pulls out a chair and takes a seat next to her, looking dead serious.

"You mean when I asked personal questions."

"That's it," Levi snaps his fingers, winces, then mutters," never doing that again."

"What about it?"

"You lied."

The pencil Hange dropped rolls off the table and onto the floor. Hange feels like doing the same.

"I don't understand what you're talking about, Levi," Hange retorts, biting her lip. Casually, she bends down and picks up her pencil, ignoring Levi and continuing with her work.

"You're not writing anything, Moron."

Hange blushes and disposed of any attempt at nonchalance. "I didn't lie!"

Levi shrugs. "It seemed like that to me."

"Took you long enough."

"Is that an admission of guilt, shitty glasses?"

"No, short ass."

"Your nose is getting longer by the second."

"I _did not_."

"You _did,"_ Levi persists. There's something strange in his eyes, something that Hange can't make out. His expression is so unreadable Hange does not understand a thing at all. How does he know? Levi's face is closed off, and although he is so near, he seems so far away.

Levi reaches out, his hand makes contact with hers. Immediately, Hange's cheeks color, her teeth snag onto her bottom lip. Levi draws away.

"See?"

"So?" Hange retorts. Her face is beet red.

Levi is silent for a moment. Even now he looks so nonchalant. "I don't know."

_I don't know._

"Eat more, four eyes," Levi sighs. He gets up carefully, pulls the chair off the floor before setting it down, and walks off.

* * *

**In case of emergencies, do not hesitate to use 3dmg and engage the subject.**

Hange _can't_ use her 3dmg to escape Levi.

"I don't know is such a shitty answer," she says every time he passes. Levi merely walks on, a glint in his eye, and does nothing to correct her.

But the truth is, she understands. She doesn't know either. If Levi was a titan, he would be killed, plain and simple. But Hange can't kill Levi off. He isn't another precious test subject. He's a precious _person_.

She doesn't know what she would do if Levi tells her he feels the same– she doesn't know what will happen to her heart if he says he doesn't. But the anxiety of waiting for an answer is worse than both alternatives.

There's only one thing left to do- which is to confront Levi.

* * *

"Levi," Hange grabs onto his shoulder, and pulls.

Levi grabs her hand and shoves it off. "How many times did I tell you not to touch me, shitty-"

"_Levi_."

This time, Levi looks up and faces her.

"What?"

"About us. Why don't you give me a better answer than 'I don't know'?"

"Look, four-eyes, I really don't know. So why don't you go back and bury your face in a –"

And Hange does the unthinkable. She grabs his face and leans in. Levi's eyes widen, he stumbles backwards, Hange stumbles forwards, and they are leaning against a wall, their faces immeasurably close.

Levi's breath is hot against her lips. "What do you think you're doing, shithea-"

"I don't know," Hange replies, not daring to move, her eyes glinting with mischief. Levi's eyebrows furrow, he looks at her with both amusement and irritation.

"Yeah right," Levi begins to struggle, and he's too strong for Hange. At once he breaks away, but there's a glimmer of a smile on his lips. "Go and take a bath, four eyes. You _do_ smell like shit."

**Precaution: Do not let the subject take advantage of the lack of trees and stay out of it's grasp.**

He walks past her, and as he does so, he tiptoes and leans in (he's so _short_) and his lips touch her cheek for a fraction of a second. Then he walks away, hands in his pockets, nonchalant expression on his face again.

"Levi!" Hange shouts at him, furious and swooning and frustrated.

Levi turns, and as his eyes meet hers, her heart starts to race again. Hange feels like she might faint.

"I hope that's a good enough answer."


End file.
